It’s nice to have a pet, especially when snowed in and starving, but beware of any evil pet shop owner that tries to flog you one of these critters:
Tortoise - It sits, it nibbles; it walks a little. It does nothing, nothing at all! It’s just a bloody rock with legs. That said, those with “master plans” in windy Wellington might want to get one as a mobile paperweight.
Goldfish - It floats about and that’s it, it’s amazing that anyone ever notices when their goldfish dies. They’re not even gold either, they’re just crap old orange. Cut out the disappointment and flush it down the toilet as soon as you get it home from the pet shop.
Bigfoot - If you think that tomcats have wanderlust then try one of these little beauties, you’ll never see the bugger. No sooner will you get him home than he’ll be out the Bigfoot flap and off to the nearest forest, never to be seen again.
Sheep - Bah, that’s what I say to them. Have you ever seen a sheep do anything good? Dogs fetch sticks, cats drag home gutted birds, even hamsters can dole out excruciating bites but sheep do nothing except look lost. Call in Bo Peep and tell her she can keep her lost sheep. Although, thinking about it, that was her intent, wasn’t it?
Zombies - If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen this sad story play out then I’d have seven dollars and forty three cents. Life doesn’t always round up to the nearest dollar.
